It is January 1, 2020. I am keeping it short today. We have greeted a new decade. The earth works tirelessly each and every year for that full rotation. It’s the time of year when people make promises to “change”. As the previous ten years come to a close, I can feel a shift in the mindsets of those around me, in society, in myself. I have been seeing less of the “new year, new me” type of talk. As if we can just drop all of what we were and become some shiny and polished version. But this year is a little different.
Yesterday, I was talking to a client and I asked her about what she wants to leave in 2019. Her response was this: “Nothing. I’m taking it all with me. I deserve to remember the good things, and tools I have given myself. I don’t want to forget the past. It has granted me now”. Boom. She’s right.
I’m a sucker for new beginnings. The chance to start over. Fresh, shiny, new. A blank canvas. It’s such an exciting concept. However, it can also be short lived. Whether it’s making resolutions we don’t stick to, or changing little pieces of the whole, or taking on new challenges, facing fears, starting or ending relationships, moving, whatever your situation is, unless we use everything we have learned from the years prior to the present, none of it matters because history does, in fact, repeat itself when we are not aware of the lessons it has for us. The reality is–we are all the same people we were on December 31 regardless of the numbers. And this is a good thing. You are growing. I am growing. We are all growing. There is no need to be a new you. The you as you ever were is enough and progressing through life so beautifully. The last decade was enrichment for the soil, kindling for the fire, and the structure for a solid foundation for the next decade to come.
2019 was a year of deep reflection. I was in my head more often than I wasn’t. Universe bless those that love me enough to stick around while I floated in and out of the crevices within my brain. I am grateful. Not just for these people, not just for the experiences, but for all that the last year, the last years have given and taught me.
What the last decade has taught me to use in the next one:
1. You are by no means obligated to give any part of myself to anyone for any reason if you do not have the means, energy, or want to do so. People do not have a right to access you at any time. “No” is a complete sentence. Boundaries are a means of survival.
2. It is fine to be tired and rest when you feel you need it. Take the rest. Take the time. You do not need to feel guilty for needing it. Give your words time to form before you speak from a mindset that is fatigued. You cannot ever pour from an empty cup, so be mindful of when it is time to replenish. Give yourself permission to pause. No one else will.
3. Trusting yourself often grants you more freedom than anything in the world. Trusting yourself is never the wrong choice. You are not required to land every leap, but you will never not gain something from a leap you take. So it’s better to just take the leap.
4. You do not need to compare yourself to anyone else. You have an abundance of something the world needs. You have an abundance of something you need. Stop letting others tell you otherwise. You are enough. Self-compassion is the best friend of growth. When your inner critic comes over for lunch, let him, and keep going. No one can hurt you the way you hurt you. So be kind.
5. Whatever you feel, whenever you feel it is fine. You are not required to change the way you feel about things. Do your best not to hurt people along the way but if you do, apologize. Your emotions have power. They are designed to teach you. Listen to them.
6. Loss is just an opportunity to create something new in your life. It is the opportunity to revise what you are doing to make room for what comes next. It’s an opportunity to check in and understand what is important.
7. Honesty is the key to real, authenticity. Standing in your truth is re-claiming your power. The more honest you are with your work the more honest it will be with you. There is only ever will or won’t, do or do not, genuine or not genuine. There is no half truth, there is only truth. But you get to decide how you make sense of what that truth is.
8. Forgiveness and closure are something you can only give yourself. Stories don’t have endings unless you decide they do. It is okay to remember the impact something has on you, but try to refrain from re-living it if you want to be able to move on and flourish. You are not the things that have happened to you. It is rarely that the people who love you will not be able to forgive you for something that was not ever your fault.
9. You are resilient as hell. Whatever you are doing, you were made for it. Even on your worst days, however fragile you might feel, you are a force. You can be many things and still be growing. Fear is a building block for resilience. It deserves a place at your hearth and a seat on the bus, but never let it drive. Strength is not something that you are, it is something that is built.
10. Be curious. Seek to understand and not just to know. Seek to really, truly figure out what’s going on underneath. There is always a why. Have the conversation with yourself to figure out what it is even if takes days. You deserve to know yourself. You deserve to feel strong in your understanding. Everything is practice. Everything is asking the right questions.
What the last decade has gifted me for next one:
1. Curiosity and the ability to refrain from casting judgement.
2. The ability to make meaning out of every experience.
3. Empathy and the ability to recognize when I need to step back.
4. Forgiveness comes from within.
5. Friendship & Family- new friends, old friends, and a brother in law!
6. Love for myself and the gift of finding the love of my life.
7. Wisdom, Knowledge and self-awareness to understand my limits and what to do with all I have learned.
8. Healing from wounds I never realized I had, and some that I did.
9. Boundaries and the gift of seeing my power
10. Growth and the ability to acknowledge just how far I have come
What I am leaving in the last decade:
1. People pleasing and bending over backwards before my spine is ready.
2. Guilt and shame around what has happened by no fault of my own.
3. Comparison and the notion that I need to be doing or acting in any way that differs from what my heart needs.
4. Negative self-talk.
5. People with toxic intentions.
6. Holding mental space for my abusers.
7. The notion that anything is ever perfect.
8. The word “should”.
9. Expectations and wanting control over everything.
10. Distorted thinking.
What I am hopeful for for 2020:
1. Good and improved health.
2. Momentum, focus & Patience
3. Humor & Light
4. Clarity & Abundance
5. Knowledge & Wisdom
6. More nature
7. More adventure
8. More room for warmth and love.
9. Strength & Growth
10. Thriving and flourishing far beyond survival
2019 was the year of the fire. It was the year of discomfort and re-claiming. It was the year the earth shifted a shift so big I fell on my knees but the earth pushed back. When you ask the universe for change, you will get it. But you are going to have to work hard to make sense of the way that change manifests.
Ten years ago, I was a young, 17 year old girl. I had a lot, A LOT of learning to do. I was a little bit careless, totally unaware, completely naive and not ready. Ten years ago, I had a spark in my belly that was the result of wanting, exploring, feeling alive. This year the spark is a fire. It is raging and roaring and ready and it is not going anywhere anytime soon. That fire in my belly has spread to my limbs and my brain and my heart and I have courage. 2020 is the year of courage. Of enrichment. Of trusting myself. Of taking chances because I know I am worth it. You are too.
You are worth whatever chances you are contemplating. You are deserving of enriched and potent soil for growing. You can carry every lesson you have learned, remain who you are as you simply become better. Because growth is rarely about change, it is more often about becoming better. Doing more of what your heart requires of you. Learning more of what is of interest to you. Taking risks so you can outgrow your restrictions.
Who were you ten years ago? What has the last decade taught you? How will you move through the next ten years with the lessons you have learned? What will you do to ensure this happens for you? What has the last decade gifted you? What will you leave behind? What will you carry with you? What do you hope to learn, do, achieve, be in the next year? Next ten years? How will you acknowledge progress? What has been your kindling? What can you do right now to get your fire rolling?
Warmest wishes ,
What happens next
Folx. I have some exciting news:
I am starting a podcast with plans to launch by the beginning/mid February. I will be providing you with more details as the time nears, but stay tuned. The focus is on mental health, resilience, and the concept of self-care practice. It is called, How Are You, Really?.
Come January 5th, I will have officially obtained my certification as a life coach. Which means I am moving in the direction of launching my career as a resilience & curiosity coach. I am building my website at the moment, so if you are interested in working with me, stay tuned for details on that as well. As part of this practice, I will be starting a newsletter which will contain free self-care and journal writing prompts as well as any resources I am utilizing at the moment as an area of interest. When you sign up for the newsletter you will have access to major updates, as well as an opportunity to get little knowledge nuggets which might spike your interest. The newsletter will be monthly/bi-monthly.
Happiest of January, warmth, love and joy as you enter this new year.
I’ll talk to you, Sunday !